Space

Isn't it funny how as a species we crave attention? We strive towards a connection with others, friendships, relationships, family - and yet whilst around those same people we often find ourselves craving space. There's nothing that can be said to another person that can truly make them understand how you feel, and unless you believe in telepathy I doubt there ever will be. Everything's open to interpretation, the way you say something may not sound how you meant it to someone else.

Take for example my computer, my room, and my flat. I have flatmates, and whilst in general they're ok and we get on sometimes they grate on my nerves. I've tried dropping hints. I've tried simply telling them that this is my computer and sometimes I just want them to leave me alone and leave my computer alone so I can have some time on it for myself, and yet somehow they never seem to understand this.

The other day one of my housemates gave my computer a virus, spread through MSN this is a relatively new worm. I became annoyed. I was annoyed at the time when I just assumed she had infected my computer but she ran a virus scan and said everything was fine, I believed this though I still wasn't happy and gave her a lecture about checking before opening stuff. The next day, when I finally had a chance to use my computer (I can't bring myself to kick people off my computer, I wish I could - well actually I wish they'd figure it out for themselves and limit their time on my pc - or failing that maybe they could pry themselves from their beds earlier and use the computer whilst I'm at work leaving me free access to it on the evenings when I come home), I discover it's playing up. So I run a virus scan after running a live update - what's the point in running one without updating the viral definitions I'd like to know - and what do you know the thing that screwed up my pc is that damn link she clicked in MSN without checking what it was first.

Maybe I'm going OTT but I like to have my own space at times and whilst she's a great mate she's a little too much every once in a while - but if I seem upset or annoyed it always seems to be my fault. If I tell her what's wrong she gets upset with me, if I don't she gets upset with me, it's like a lose-lose situation for me and it's pissing me off. I'd also really like it if she'd figure out that when I'm tired and starting to fall asleep this doesn't mean she can spend five or ten minutes tapping away on my keyboard followed by turning on the light to spend another five or ten minutes looking for a book to read. I realise I have five bookcases worth of books, but again there are other times to look for one - say when I'm not trying to go to sleep. Of course this has left me irritated and woken me up so I'm here typing this instead of sleeping and have no idea when I'll be tired enough to actually go to sleep now...

I don't mind if she stays in to watch a movie or something because that I can sleep through. For some reason (unless it's particularly loud) voices, music and so on isn't a problem but keys tapping is something that I can't sleep to. I don't know why...